Incredibly, I've Lived In Chico, CA 8 Years Now.


Poetry in Your Mailbox Starting Tomorrow

02/05/2012 11:20

My mailbox is full of stuff representing every nook and cranny of my life.  Mail has followed me through the years and the states, as if I have somehow frozen in time as the person I was (no, I can't make it to the event next week because it is two time zones away.) Requests on behalf of charities I supported in 1988 still arrive with every one I've supported since.  Catalogs representing the Victoria Secret days of my youth commingle uncomfortably with Soft Surroundings for ladies of a certain age.  Big fat juicy Glamour magazine (ouch--a subscription of a former inhabitant of our house representing the Y Generation) muscles my scrawny crumpled AARP magazine almost out of the box.  All told, the stuff I get in the mail represents a contrast of offerings almost too painful to contemplate.

The poets tell us that poetry resides everywhere. I wrote this poem a couple years back; every line is lifted directly from a Healthy Living catalog obviously aimed at the...er..over-fifty demgraphic. I tried to look it up online, but it looks to be out of business. What a tragic waste of good writing had I not taken the time to memorialize its embedded prose.

Tomorrow as you go through the mail, remember - what's in front of you represents you. Enjoy it if you can. There's poetry in it, as you will no doubt see here. Oh, and you young'uns, don't laugh. Some day this will be you.

 

 Everything You Need

Inspired by The Healthy Living Catalog, ca 2009


Mop your floors with the power of steam,
Never search for a lid that fits again!
Classic suspenders,
Ideal for sleeping and sitting,
Like a sweater for your legs.


Now your cat can trim her own claws.

Stay toasty warm,
incredible hair growth in less than a month!
spray away bald spots,
Get rid of unwanted hair now.
Stop blood sugar highs and lows.
Bake the perfect brownie.

Cordless swivel sweeper,
keep your hands toasty warm.
Eliminate unsightly age spots,
stop intruders,
go-anywhere Deluxe Walker...
Cut your toughest toenails easily.

Rid your home of unwelcome pests.
Attract the opposite sex like a magnet;
hear what you've been missing.
Total body cleanse in just five days!
Holy Bible keychain.

Tush wipes, arm warmers, weight loss ring
personal hygiene made easy.
Lifetime playing cards,
natural looking, beautiful cleavage,
heat your car in seconds.
Cross votive holder
wipe away YEARS of grease
(Get rid of ugly blackheads.)

Minimize swelling,
sleep comfortably with a CPAP.
Increase firmness, fullness and size,
the female sexual supercharger
CPAP chin strap,
make all your shoes fit better.

Rechargeable amplifier magnifies sound up to 50 times!
Extend the life of any ordinary battery up to 10X.


You'll quiver with desire,
Total pain therapy.
 

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